You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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