yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize