her vagine was all disorganized.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
