Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
