So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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