Umm I'm too high to move.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
