So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He did a backflip because drugs
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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