You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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