He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You ate ashes out of my bong
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize