ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize