omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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