I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
