Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
