hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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