I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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