I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
