the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
