I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
