why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
