last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
