yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
