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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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