went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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