i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
