Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
