Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
