So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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