Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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