We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
