I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
