Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize