her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
