im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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