that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
