party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
