I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
