the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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