sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I could fuck to npr.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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