Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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