Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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