The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
