How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
