ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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