Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
