Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
