last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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