dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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