I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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