I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
