Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
