Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize