i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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