you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
