As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
