i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
