it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
