haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
