I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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