we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
