Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
