This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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