I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
