You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
