if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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