Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
