So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
