3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
