Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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