anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
