so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
