Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize