And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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