I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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