She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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