you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
