why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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