She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
