New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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