i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
