just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
