I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
