so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
