how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize