walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just forgot I was standing up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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