how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
