so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
