Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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