For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He shit in the fireplace
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
