Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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