well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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