hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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