Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
