Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's rum buckets o'clock
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
