We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
