please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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