I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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