When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
