i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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