so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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