dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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