"it" just moved
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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