I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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