I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
