Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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