the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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