but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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