I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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