How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
