Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
